Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Preparing Your Soil

"You can devote your life to pulling out each single weed as it comes up -- and then ten lifetimes won't be enough for the job. Or you can prepare your soil in such a manner-- by spreading a certain chemical, let us say-- that it will be impossible for weeds to grow. This last is faster."~ Ellsworth Toohey to Peter Keating in The Fountainhead by Ayn Rand

I was so inspired by this metaphor, and it was so timely for the day that I have had, that I had to share it. Toohey is speaking metaphorically (I'm sure that's obvious) about putting out the fires in your life. Many people spend their time being reactive-- and putting fires out as they arise. The reality is that being proactive saves a lot of time and energy.

Ultimately, many of my clients come in not really knowing HOW to be proactive. They lack tools, time and energy, and need a little guidance to become expert firefighters. Here are the three main areas that seem to help people to most.

1) Self-care... I really should not be lecturing about exercise, because I suck at it too (hey, I'm only human!). But the things that we hear, read and see-- exercise, eating right, sleeping enough, building time into your life for relaxation-- are often enough to get some energy back. Start with small realistic changes. Go to bed 15 minutes earlier. Take a walk around the block. Skip that afternoon caramel latte. It all adds up.

2) Build your village.... many many clients, especially new moms, say that they really want more social support but aren't sure how to look for it, or they feel guilty asking for help. STOP! We are social creatures. Ask yourself who in your family may be able to help. Think about people in your neighborhood, school, church. Ask these people who they trust for babysitters and hire one. Join a mom's/dad's group, take a Zumba class, go to Bible study... whatever you did in the past that helped you feel happier and more supported- do it now!

3) Set boundaries... If your metaphorical yard is full of weeds, it's likely that you are giving to much to everyone and not enough to yourself, your marriage, your family, your job, the list goes on and on. Many people, especially women, struggle with saying no or being honest as a way to avoid hurting people's feelings. The problem is that these feelings of resentment that people feel for letting everyone stomp all over their yard gets stuffed and becomes anger, anxiety and depression. Practice telling people, "Let me get back to you" so you can prepare a script to let them down easy when you can't take anything else onto your plate. When you feel guilty, ask yourself if you are being fair to yourself. Did you really do anything wrong? If not, let it go.

Small changes add up! Think about how you will prevent weeds in your yard instead of pulling them!