My experience with Cranial Sacral Therapy

Last week, I had the privilege to meet with Guy Odishaw at Bhakti Wellness Center in Edina, and have a session of biodynamic cranial sacral therapy (CST) (read more about that here: http://bhakticlinic.com/pages/therbodywork.html). Guy works with a lot of trauma and traumatic brain injured people, and as someone who works with many women who have experienced birth trauma or a postpartum mood/anxiety disorder, I saw this as a great modality to explore.

I know that many are skeptical about "alternative therapies" such as CST, and at one point, I likely was too. However, in my years as a therapist, I have seen and heard too many stories that demonstrate that the mind is a powerful thing, and that there is a HUGE, powerful connection between the body, mind and soul. It is not a coincidence that every single patient I have with a fibromyalgia diagnosis has a trauma history. There is a lot of research that supports the connection between trauma and chronic pain/health issues as well (yes, it's scientific!).

I went in to my CST appointment with an open mind, and had also put thought into what I may have experienced in my life that my body could be holding on to. Going through postpartum depression (PPD) was one of the most difficult events in my life, and I have no doubt that effects from that still linger, so this is the presenting problem that I used.
Guy asked me what I would like to let go of, and I said, "Guilt". He asked me for a word that would replace that, and I said, "Acceptance". I laid on the table quietly, and let my mind scan my body. Guy did ask some questions as we went about what I was experiencing, but much of it was quiet, and observing what was going on within me, noting and sometimes commenting on what I was noticing in my body. He had his hands on my ankles, and I felt like I was floating... like I had no legs. I was brought back to my c-section, when that was exactly what I felt like. I even remember trying to explain what having a spinal was like to my husband, saying, "I feel like I'm floating in a pool". As I continued to observe (and I have no idea how long I was observing, to be honest), I eventually noticed energy going through my body, from my legs, through my torso, and up to the left side of my field of vision (my eyes were closed). There was this large, black spot that just sat there briefly, and then it "popped" out of the top of my head. And believe it or not, I felt different. I can't quite describe it- lighter perhaps? It was interesting and bizarre all at the same time, but not at all scary. We processed a bit how traumatic my c-section had been (although my first birth was NOT the one I had PPD with, so this was also interesting to me- that what happened in my body was not what I came in saying I would like to focus on, but more what my body needed to let go of, perhaps??). Having a spinal, having my arms strapped down, vomiting several times over the side of the table onto the floor took its toll on my body.

It's interesting to me that consciously, my c-section was not what I would consider traumatic, in my mind, anyways. However, my body did. And in hindsight, knowing what I do about defining and treating trauma, this makes perfect sense. Again, it was not what I expected would happen, although I wasn't sure WHAT to expect, but it was exactly what my body needed to process first.

I haven't decided yet if I will go for another session. If  I do, I thoroughly believe that there is more locked up in there that I could benefit from letting go. CST was a very peaceful, non-invasive way of doing that, and I would definitely recommend it for people who have experienced a trauma that they would like to process in a way that involves less talking than therapy.

Another link: https://www.craniosacraltherapy.org/Whatis.htm

How do I MAKE someone get help?

With the latest incident of a Postpartum Mood/Anxiety Disorder (PMAD) in Washington, DC, where Miriam Carey was shot and killed and it is being alleged that she was struggling with some form of PMAD, getting help for mental illness is definitely a hot topic. On top of that, it is Mental Health Awareness and Suicide Awareness time (World Mental Health day is tomorrow, folks!!!), so it seems like a great opportunity to bring up this very difficult subject: Even if I know that someone is struggling, how do I convince them that they need help?

When it comes right down to it, this is about relationships: you can only do/say so much, and ultimately, the other person has the final say. But there are ways to have this conversation with someone that can improve the chances that you will be heard and the person will take action to get some help.

In his book, "You Need Help!", Komrad offers seven steps, which I will summarize here. Komrad's words are the actual step names, and I have offered my own summary following each one.
1. Before you Begin: This step is about planning. Before talking with your loved one, think about these questions: Why do you think this person needs help? What is your goal? Is it that this person seek therapy? Rehab? Accepting some other form of support? Put yourself in his/her shoes for a moment and think about why he/she may not have sought help already. Money? Insurance coverage? Shame? Fear?
2. Choose a Time and Place: This is SUPER important. You really need to think about where and when you are going to broach the topic of your loved one getting some help. Timing is key. Allow a lot of time to talk (for example, don't start the conversation at 10 pm at night when there are time limitations and everyone is tired). Think about where and how YOU would want to be approached. Initially, have some respect for their dignity and discuss your concerns in private, versus staging an intervention with a group of people. The person will likely feel defensive and ganged up on, and less likely to hear your concerns.
3. The First Approach: Be prepared that the first approach may not be the last. You may be planting a seed that you need to let grow for a while, if you can safely do that. Be open to their emotions, and let them know you are hearing what they have to say rather than trying to defend your viewpoint. Offer to help him/her get some help, go along to appointments, make phone calls (where HIPAA will allow this). Don't be discouraged if the first approach does not go how you envisioned.
4. Gathering your Allies: If your loved one is still not open to treatment, consider who else is in your village. Doctors, friends, clergy members, family members. Attend a support group for concerned people (such as Al-Anon). Or if you yourself see someone for mental health care, discuss this with your therapist or psychiatrist. He or she may have some good insight into how to talk with your loved one about it.
5. Persuasion and Coercion: This is pulling out the big guns. Be prepared to point out the consequences of not getting help, such as loss of relationships, jobs, health. It can feel very manipulative, but there is a fine line between helping and enabling and if you are continuing to let your loved one sit in denial, you are enabling.
6. "Hardball": Involuntary Evaluation: If all else fails, and you determine that your loved one is in danger to himself or others, you may need to pursue further action. This may be contacting an attorney to take legal action, or calling in the authorities to bring the person in for a psychiatric evaluation or detox. If this person lives with you, it may mean removing the things that are concerning- drugs, alcohol, weapons, access to the car, etc.
7. Continuing your Support: This can look different across situations. It may mean visiting someone in the hospital or in jail. It may mean offering to come to a support group or therapy session with him or her. It may mean being available to listen, or offering childcare so that he can attend appointments. Whatever the barriers to care are, try to find a way to have people help reduce or eliminate those barriers. Let them know they are not alone, and that you do not see them as less of a person because they are struggling with a chemical imbalance in their brain versus one on their other organs.

Ultimately, some people may choose to not get help. Some people may never even let on how much they are struggling- that's a whole other topic. But if you know or believe that someone is struggling, especially if they are harmful to themselves, do not let them become a statistic.

The grieving process (for those who hate exercise)!

As a therapist who supports many clients struggling with grief/loss issues, I am very aware that the grieving process (the five stages, a la Elisabeth Kubler-Ross) does not just apply to death. It can apply to ANY loss- a relationship, divorce, jobs, etc.

Recently, as in last week, I received a vivid reminder that grief can even apply to exercise. I hate exercise, but I am training for a 5K because I tell myself "it will be fun". (OK, stop laughing). I was out for my morning run, and in a span of two miles, all of the stages of grief were represented, and here is how they played in my head.

Denial/shock: "This will be great- think of how good you will feel when you are done!" huff/puff/huff "Wow, it's nice and cool out here this morning with a light breeze-- perfect".

Anger: "This humidity sucks- I can barely breathe already and I am only in the first quarter mile going up a hill. And this 'breeze' is blowing right in my face, drying out my mouth". A few steps later, "I hate these &^*&%^$ HILLS! Why am I doing this to myself? Am I a glutton for punishment????"

Bargaining: "OK- when I'm finished, and I get ready for work, I will reward myself with a caramel macchiato from Starbucks. I deserve it". "Come on- just get to the bottom of this hill, then you can walk for a bit."

Depression: "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I hate running!" "Why am I such a big loser? Why can't I be one of those people who gets addicted to running and gets that "runners high"? I don't think that is even REAL".

And finally....

Acceptance: "Crystal, It's OK that you don't like running. And you may never LIKE it, but you need to do it, because it's good for you. Stop beating yourself up, and allow your feelings" (like I tell all of my patients, right?)

Acceptance is a good place to end up- it's a positive thing to complete the whole process before I get back home. I never did go get that caramel macchiato...

FUN- the new "F" word!

"Yes, fun -- the "F" word, my friends and I would call it, chiding one another to make sure to have some fun each day. We rarely succeeded; the needs of everyone else always got in the way". From "A Year by the Sea" by Joan Anderson

This quote struck me as the way most moms (and probably dads, too!) probably feel. Why don't we allow ourselves to have fun? Here are some excuses that I hear:

1) My own needs come last (AKA, "I don't have time") Somewhere along the way, either someone told you that your needs aren't as important as everyone elses, or it was modeled to you that that was the case. Perhaps your own mother was the "martyr mom", caring so much about everyone else that she was constantly depleted (and probably crabby!). Perhaps someone in your life told you that doing what you like is "selfish", which carries a negative connotation. But have you heard the saying, "If mom (or dad, or wife, etc etc.) ain't happy, ain't nobody happy"? This is true because if your own needs aren't being met, it is carrying over into your other relationships, whether you want to admit it or not. It is likely leaving you feeling depleted and resentful.

2) I feel guilty when I try to relax.  Similar to messages that we get from our family about putting our own needs last, we also can get messages from our families about being "productive". We also get messages from society that we need to be getting things done: we should be working several hours a week, and when we're not at work (if you leave the home for work) then you must be taking care of your house/kids/yard, etc. "Fun" has become a negative word that implies laziness to a point where you may try to relax, but then find yourself with eight million thoughts going through your head about what you "should" be doing.

3) My husband/wife/daughter/son/boss/mom/dad think that "having fun" is a bad thing. Perhaps someone in your life glares at you when you try to sit down and rest. Or you find yourself sitting for a quiet moment and your child needs you to watch them perform their new magic trick for you "right now". Or perhaps you are relaying your weekend to your co-worker and you mention going out for a night with the girls/the guys and the co-worker says, "Oh, how nice for YOU" in a snarky tone.

When you find yourself feeling guilty or questioning if you are allowed to do something fun and unproductive, instead ask yourself what will happen if you continue to not have fun in your life? Picture someone you know who does not allow any fun, and ask yourself if that is who you would like to be. Is that person someone who you want to model to your partner or children? Start small and find some way to insert some fun into your life- a silly song played loudly in your car (instead of returning phone calls) or reading a chapter from a book instead of washing dishes right that moment. Graduate to bigger things, like a night out with your partner, friends or on your own!! Ask yourself how you feel after, and if it is refreshed, not resentful and even MORE productive, then it was worth it.