Could I be depressed?

In October, a book is being released that deals with depression. I get to toot my own horn for a moment (*toot toot*!) about how proud I am to be included in this compilation of stories about depression, namely my experience with postpartum depression. (More info below)*.



This book is timely as we are entering fall. A time, where, depending on which demographic area you live in, can be very dark (literally!) and difficult for people. The reason the publisher of the book was inspired to create this compilation was because people still struggle to talk about mental health. Is it getting less stigmatized? Slightly. But the fact remains that many people have a hard time admitting they could be depressed and an even harder time reaching out for help.

So....How do I know if I am depressed?


The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (the Bible for psychology people) defines depression as the following:

• Depressed Mood (in kids- yes, kids get depressed too!- this can look more like irritability, withdrawal)


• Reduced level of interest or pleasure in most activities


• Considerable weight loss or gain, or decrease in appetite


• Difficulty falling/staying asleep (insomnia) or sleeping more than usual (hypersomnia)


• Behavior that is agitated or slowed down


• Feeling tired of low energy


• Thoughts of worthlessness or extreme guilt


• Difficulty thinking, concentrating or making decisions


• Frequent thoughts of death or suicide (although I would argue that thoughts don't need to be "frequent" to indicate a problem).

A person needs to have 5+ of these symptoms (not all). Many people minimize their depression by saying or thinking things like, "Well, I'm not thinking about killing myself, so it must not be that bad". The duration of the symptoms have been at least 2 weeks. And typically, the intensity of the symptoms are enough that they are disruptive in your home life, social life, work life, relationships, etc. People tend to start isolating themselves, or struggling at work, or withdrawing from their partners. The lack of sunlight this time of year can cause Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)- which has the same set of symptoms, but they are limited to the fall-winter months. Even if there is a seasonal pattern, the symptoms still need to be taken seriously!

At any rate... reaching out for help IS hard. But there are so many options- support groups, counseling, books, online support, medication, phototherapy (light boxes)- and none of these mean that you have a scarlet letter on your chest indicating your depressed status.

You do not need to suffer in silence.

*The book, "Not Alone" edited by Alise Wright is available on Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Not-Alone-Stories-Living-Depression/dp/0615532675/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1317389846&sr=8-2

Self-care = Selfish

This has been a common theme this week. I work with many postpartum mamas, and I have had this conversation at least twice this week, how they feel like taking care of themselves is selfish. Wanting to do nice things, wanting time alone, wanting a break from being a mom... you "shouldn't" want those things. You "should" be grateful that you can be a stay-at-home mom/that your baby is healthy/that you get to have a baby/fill in reason here.

Women are socialized to give until it hurts. Their own needs come last, especially when it comes to parenting. So when they want to put their own needs first, if they even give themselves permission to do so, they often find themselves feeling guilty and not enjoying the time anyways.
Why do we do this to ourselves??? There are many reasons-- culture, media, our upbringing, competition among other moms, the list goes on. Some divine intervention led me to this timely passage in my "Radical Acceptance" book (Author- Tara Brach. If you haven't read it, you should!):
"We are encouraged by our culture to keep ourselves comfortable, to be right, to possess things, to be better than others, to look good, to be admired. We are also told that we should feel ashamed of our selfishness, that we are flawed for being so self-centered, sinful when we are indulgent".
What a mixed message. And unfortunately true.

I often pull out the oxygen mask analogy when I am working with moms. You know, when you're on the airplane and the flight attendant tells you to put your own oxygen mask on before assisting small children? And in our heads, we cringe a bit and say that's ridiculous- we would help our kids first. But the truth is that if we as parents aren't breathing, we can't help our children, or anyone else for that matter.

Self-care is your oxygen supply. Take time to think about what fulfills you. Start with basic needs-- sleep, water, food and exercise. Most people, let alone new parents, are not getting these basic needs met. After that, think about what you used to do before having kids-- going out with friends, or on a date with your partner. Going to the coffee shop with a book. Taking your camera and enjoying nature. All of these things are self-care, and are necessary for your mental health. What can you do this long weekend to take care of yourself? It doesn't need to take long. Stop making excuses!