Sunday, December 20, 2015

Making meaning of your wounds



This blog post was inspired by this Video. Worth the watch...


This speaker was talking about cancer and about how we process and making meaning of the challenges in our lives. This speaker is a chaplain by training, but also went through her own experience with cancer, and spoke about how we can either learn from our challenges, or become defined by them.

In my counseling practice, I see this happen frequently. People get stuck in the process of wading through the mud of the horrible things that have happened in their lives, and trying to move forward, but feel powerless to do so. And some have an unwillingness to do so.

In the video, the speaker talks about her training as a chaplain, and learning "The Three C's: comfort, clarify and challenge (or confront)". She uses examples for how this applies to her work, and it occurred to me that this is exactly what is done, or should be done, in the therapy process.

Comfort
Our clients are in pain, both physically and emotionally at times, and need us as a source of comfort. Often that comfort comes in the form of giving them a space to talk, vent, cry, yell and purge their pain to someone who is non-judgmental, and a neutral person. As therapists, we have an obligation to provide this. Many are stuck because they feel they have nobody else in their life who can comfort them, or people just don't know how. Or perhaps they have exhausted the people in their lives. This is a great first step to connecting and building trust in therapy, and in healing for the client.

Clarify
Things get harder here. We have to work through the client's experience, and either clarify for ourselves, or help them better see how things really are. Sometimes they are stuck in the perception of their story, or how others see them. Helping them learn how to fact check can be very powerful and healing. It can help them feel understood, and help them take the first step in finding meaning of their experience.

Challenge/Confront
The speaker admits that this is the hard part. And it is also a part where many therapists either don't get to- because clients discontinue therapy- or they don't feel comfortable with this part, so never do it full with the client. And this is a disservice to clients. How many of us therapists have heard stories from clients about previous therapy, where all they got was "smile, nod, and 'tell me how that feels'"? This is not thoroughly helping our clients heal.
But confrontation is hard. It means taking a risk- that your client might get angry with you. That your client may not come back. And perhaps your client isn't ready for this phase yet, but if you don't get to this point, your client will likely never learn how to define him or herself as anything other than a victim.

One of my favorite books ever is "Man's Search for Meaning" by Viktor Frankl, who was a Holocaust survivor. He talks about this same process- how in order to heal, and be resilient, we must make meaning of our traumas. Therapists- you can be such a powerful part of this journey. And clients- you can achieve true healing and find a way to define yourself in other ways than your trauma. Because you are so much more, and you deserve it!

No comments:

Post a Comment