Children Have Love Languages Too!

One of my favorite subjects is the Five Love Languages (created by Gary Chapman). I use it in my couples work, in my adult work, and a lot in my work with children and parenting. Heck, I even use it my OWN parenting, because I love it so much!

The basis of the Five Love Languages is that there are five basic languages (duh!) and each person has a primary one, sometimes two. It is important to be aware of this because if you are in a relationship with someone whose LL is different than yours, you may not be connecting as well as you could be.

The five LL's are:

1. Acts of Service


2. Words of Affirmation


3. Quality Time


4. Physical Touch


5. Gifts

In my family, my LL is Words of Affirmation, my husband's LL is physical touch (so is my daughter's) and my son's LL is Quality Time. I notice that I would be spending time giving my son a lot of words of affirmation (which is still good) but it wasn't filling his "love tank". So over time, I would feel less connected with him, or notice his behavior being problematic, and it would finally occur to me that we hadn't spent any time alone together for quite a while. I then implemented "date time" which he thrives on, and totally fills his little love tank. My daughter (physical touch) gets her love tank filled with cuddles and hugs. She is happy to just be NEAR you, and if she doesn't get that, it shows in her behavior as well.

So how do you identify people's LL's? Aside from reading Chapman's books (which I highly recommend) observation is key. Think about how your child shows love to you and to others. Think about times when he or she really seems to be thriving.
*If you child seeks out time with you or asks you play with him/her often, or wants frequent time with friends-- Quality Time
*If your child likes to make you things, draw you pictures, or seems to really be set on possessions-- Gifts
*If your child really likes to do things for you, help you out with things, helps others-- Acts of Service
*If your child thrives on compliments, or seeks them out, or even tells you about the nice things that other say-- Words of Affirmation
*If your child is very touchy/feely, wants to be close to you, holds hand with friends-- Physical Touch

Wouldn't it be nice if everyone had their LL tatooed on their forehead?? But since they don't- observe. Ask. Pay attention.