In my role of Marriage and Family Therapist and as a Divorce Mediator, I am often encountering parents who are divorcing and who want some support for their children. Since I work with children, I have often been in the sticky spot of providing therapy for children who are coping with a parents divorce. The difficulty is that there are times when parents, whether intentional or not, have an underlying motive of hoping that the therapist may provide some information that will help their case in court-- the case against the other parent.
The problem with this is that it creates a white elephant in the office that takes away the safety that I believe parents really do want their children to have. A place to come talk about feelings and work through any struggles they are dealing with.
Because parents are human with their own feelings, they have difficulty separating their emotions from their child's needs. And this can get very muddy. In an effort to help protect this space, the therapy setting, some therapists choose to make a "Safe Harbor Agreement" with parents that sets out guidelines that will help build a barrier around the therapeutic relationship.
A "Safe Harbor Agreement" asks parents to sign a document that states that they will not, under any circumstances (well, OK, aside from mandated reporting of abuse) allow their attorney to subpoena records from the child's therapist without the child's consent. It also states that the therapist agrees to not divulge information about therapy with the child without the child's consent.
You might be thinking, "Why would I let my child decide that?" and/or "Why would I agree to that?". Here are some reasons why:
1) If you are bringing your child to therapy because he/she is struggling emotionally with divorce, think about how it could affect the child further, or the child's relationship with one of his/her parents, if the content of his therapy was dragged into court. This erodes trust, and sends the message to the child that they do not deserve a place to have safe communication that cannot be invaded. I have unfortunately seen this happen, and it can have far-reaching consequences for the child about learning to not trust people, persons of authority, or persons who are genuinely trying to help them. It can damage future relationships, and their view of marriage.
2) The therapeutic relationship is supposed to be safe. If information is made public, it is no longer a safe place, and the one place where the child may have felt he/she could share feelings and thoughts without retribution is no longer available.
3) Finally, the therapeutic relationship should be about the child. If you have a hidden agenda, hoping that the therapist will uncover something big that will help a court case, please be upfront about that, so that the therapist can talk with you about alternative ways to get that information. There are other avenues to pursue that can help you gather information. Please let the therapy be about helping your child, and helping foster his/her well-being, and his place in the family.
Therapy is often used as a weapon in CPS and family court proceedings. This can happen not only between litigants but also from court professionals (Guardian ad Litem, ADR, attorney, social worker, etc) themselves. I'd like to see significant reform in this area to include legal protection written into state law as well as revision of APA guidelines.
ReplyDeleteI have been involved in family court and have experienced therapy abuse first hand. I have also seen my children being mistreated and not receiving the help they need, or given the care they deserve. I entered family court as a victim of domestic violence who became homeless after being assaulted by the ex. Almost immediately, the court orders psych testing - referring us to their own preferred providers. When I objected, and sought services from another provider, I faced hostility. My provider was criticized by the court professionals who pressured me to see therapists within their network. I was horrified when the court professionals asked for therapy records then used statements that I felt were confidential in proceedings. I felt violated. That my abuser was able to gain info about my therapy hindered my healing. Even worse, the court professionals were taking sides and chosing a winner and a loser between the parents. The GAL would read therapy notes, decide what she wanted to use, and take small bits of info to create arguements against me. The GAL did not have licensure or education to interpret, diagnose or recommend treatment, as she did. If therapy is important and input is needed, the therapist should be called to testify with both parties able to question the witness. Therapy records should be included in a whole report instead of being edited for the purposes of litigation. And unqualified professionals should not be adding their opinions to what is in the records.
I was never found to be unfit or suffering from a mental condition. However, the therapist did feel that I was a victim of abuse and suffered from trauma. The GAL interpreted that to mean because I am fearful of the person who physically attacked me that I am unable to co-parent with that person. The GAL recommended, and fought to give, sole custody to the abuser. Which did happen. My kids continued to be abused after the family court gave sole custody to the identified perpetrator. The abuse of therapy played a tremendous part in the outcome of my case.
There are other ways therapy is being abused in family court - putting kids into de-programming and reunification therapy as a "cure" after they disclose abuse to force them to have a relationship with an abuser. Parents are frequently labelled as having an unspecified mental illness by court professionals, denied contact and visitation, and made to "prove" they are deserving to be in the child's life. Parents are referred, by the court or its professionals, to therapists, treatments, interventions etc incurring incredible medical fees and costs. If a parent does not please the court, they are not allowed contact or custody of children. Parent is trapped in therapy for years or completely alienated from children in the process. Unqualified court professionals often make diagnosis, assert opinion on the parent's mental health, refer providers, refer treatment, make opinions that contradict what the actual professional says, and turn therapy into a litigation tool.
Family court is a battleground, therapy should not be.